Prologue: People laugh at what I say because it’s completely obvious and true that I never intended what was said to be funny in the first place.
I have a need to share humorous and noteworthy things with the world, but rarely are they made for their own entries. This isn’t Tumblr, after all. So I started a list, and every Friday, I will post the past week’s things that I want to share, including, but not limited to links, thoughts, observations, facts, quotes, photos, Facebook statuses, tweets, and–this doesn’t need to be said–anything else I want. Have you ever noticed that when someone says that something doesn’t need to be said, they say it anyway? I did that here, on purpose, to prove a point.
I am calling this series Five Feet Short, with five representing the number of imperial units called feet between any given floor or ground covering and the top of my head. And if it pleases you, you can read all of these shorts in rapid succession via the link on the sidebar.
Here are THINGS! I say things a lot.
- My grandma is too fancy for short form names. She moved down to Florida just weeks ago and wrote in an email, “Weren’t we lucky to have missed Sandra?”
Facebook status update, 10/31/12
- When trying to Rick Roll someone, it is best to use a link that does not embed a video with “Rick Astley” in the title. Just a thought.
my comment on my ex-boyfriend Ben’s Facebook status, in which he was jokingly trying to convince me that my car was severely damaged by Hurricane Sandy, 10/31/12
- I lost my namesake Twitter handle! I used to be @aliciahurst, but I changed it to @aliciainthecity last year, AND NOW A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL HAS IT. This is my biggest failure in life to date.
Facebook status update, 11/1/12
- I just discovered that Honey Boo Boo also likes her spaghetti with butter and ketchup.
my friend Colin’s Facebook status update, 11/2/12
- omg omg omg all of a sudden it smells like old people in my apartment, what happened!?!?!
chat with Yana, 11/2/12
In mid-October, my good friend and fellow designer, Yana, introduced me to famous organist-cum-80s-style-TV-show-host, Diane Bish. Suffering from secondhand embarrassment throughout, we watched her Public Access Television videos on YouTube, one of which was an interview featuring Diane’s latest book, Church Music Explosion. The description of the book is as follows: “How to begin and run a church concert series; Building an audience for tomorrow/children’s demonstrations; Playing the worship service; Conducting choir rehearsal; Choral, organ repertoire list; Educating congregation to music.” EXPLOSION! If the title doesn’t double you over in laughter, or, at least, if you can’t conceive of how inconsolably doubled over I was when I saw that, then you have no soul.
Added Yana, “I like how the O is big.”