Five Feet Short #2

I keep rewriting the post I meant to have had up earlier this week, but I haven’t been able to get to the point yet. In the meantime, you’ll have to endure the second issue of Five Feet Short, and laugh. Doesn’t your life suck?

I don’t want a TV show that’s set in my home where people will mock me, mock my life, mock everything I believe in. I don’t want some publisher to tell me what to write. And I certainly do not want a TV channel to forbid me to write about political and religious views I may or may not have. If I God dammit mother Mary Christ Jesus David Cameron Loreal Chanel Dior and all of the Max Factors in the world want to mention a brand that’s not one of the TV channels sponsors I get sued … Hello, it’s my blog.
Yvonne Eijkenduijn, on her blog Yvestown, one of my longtime favorites, 10/24/12

  • So much interior. Why do we need it? Why don’t we rent it to China or something?
    Chat with Sarah, after seeing all of those red states on election night, 11/6/12

This is the true story of a Monroe College student sent to the Dominican Republic, to work for ten days and have himself photographed, to find out what happens when people stop being even a little bit smart and start getting real... The Real World.I’ve seen this ad on the subway countless times, but during the most recent moment that my eyes have had the delight of taking in its vogue design, I realized just how very hilarious it was. How, pray tell, is working as a medical assistant for ten stupid days AS REAL-WORLD AS IT GETS? You know what I think it’s as real world as? MTV’s The Real World. So if that’s what you meant, Monroe College, which I’m sure you did, then, good job. This dude is totally ready. (Click for larger image. And don’t forget to hover your mouse over the thumbnail for the alt text.)

Two thoughts, one long subway ride home. Not a minute after I stopped laughing at Monroe College did a man peddling candy proceed into my car. His elevator pitch was a little different than the “please help me stay off the streets” spiel I’m used to hearing, especially the part where he suggested to all of us that his candy will be “yummy in your tummy.” That’s when I came up with Michelle Obama’s (congrats, by the way) next obesity campaign. The text will read, “Yummy in your tummy? It’s only yummy in your mouth, ya dummy!” positioned over a photo of this kid, maybe? Remember, this is the family-friendly version. Otherwise, it would simply read, “You fat fuck!”


4 thoughts on “Five Feet Short #2

  1. Yana

    I think the funny part about the Monroe ad and it’s ilk is that it’s like 10 years behind the culture. Do people college-application-aged people even know what the Real World is? I never even watched Real World. Maybe they’re targeting an older audience? So many questions. I think you know who to cold-call for your next freelance gig, by the way.

    Also, we could use some “you fat fuck” ads, cause being all soft and politically-correct isn’t doing the job.

    1. Alicia @ DBE Post author

      I don’t think that they were trying to reference the show The Real World at all, they were trying to say that in addition to in-classroom training, they provide real-world opportunities. But touting working abroad for 10-days as a reason to go to a school just doesn’t scream REAL-WORLD TRAINING to me, it screams MTV. If that makes sense.

      1. Alicia @ DBE Post author

        Exactly. Their copy sucks. It’s Monroe College. I’m saying to them, why didn’t you think about the fact that by using Real World in this context, it seems more like you are referring to the MTV show rather than saying you provide real-world training, especially since the example of real-world training you are giving is kind of lame.

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